AUGH WHY DON'T I LIVE IN THE UK IT WILL BE SO EPIC.
AUGH WHY DON'T I LIVE IN THE UK IT WILL BE SO EPIC.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Tried my hardest at school (the exams were a different matter, but still), drank a Cruiser, fought with my best friend, danced in public, drove a car (very briefly, in extreme fear, but it still happened).
2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My standing resolution seems to be, “Be happy”. I’m not entirely sure it was achieved this year, so it may have to stand for 2011 as well.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Sadly, no. My auntie seems to have finished giving birth, after two in as many years.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Super-organised notes and a Monash student ID.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 2, March 12 and June 18 – first kiss, start of relationship, break-up.
June 9, August 2 – Midyear Psych exam, midyear exam results.
October 19 – Valedictory dinner.
October 28, November 4, November 5, November 10, December 13 – English exam, my birthday and Psych and Lit exams, Health exam, Legal exam, results day.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
A number of brilliant SAC results, the most notable of which was my 100% in English, staying sane, somehow managing to pass my exams and get a uni-worthy ATAR, and being named Dux of English for Year 12, 2010. :D
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not studying for two of my exams, my Legal study score, that one Psych SAC I got 75% on, and not being very tolerant of people with opposing viewpoints.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a Cold of Doom for my English oral, and another for Valedictory, but in the first instance, I still scraped an A, and in the second…well, the photos still look okay!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
THE X-MEN MOVIES OMG. My turquoise highlighter. My amazing Valedictory dress, which has to be mentioned despite the fact that it was actually Mum who paid for it.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Philippa’s (endless well of support and fantabulous person in her own right), most of my teachers’, especially that of the wonderful and committed Mr Leask, and of course, mine. I really was a bit awesome this year. :D “You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I!”
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I had a number of disagreements with friends, but in most cases it is happily resolved or on the path to such, and in the other cases…well, fuck ‘em. Also, my father. Enough said.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and birthday/Christmas presents for people. I’m so broke right now. :’(
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Many of my classes and the hilarity that inevitably ensued, having top ranking in English, various SAC results, X-Men, formal, and Valedictory.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
California Gurls, OMG, Dynamite, Magic, TEENAGE DREAM AND FIREWORK. :D
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
This time last year, I’d just broken up with Tim and was utterly distraught, so…happier, but I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m happy.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
Probably about the same.
iii. Richer or poorer?
Richer…or I will be once I get paid on Wednesday.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleeping, reading, studying.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying. Especially in class.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the half of my family that I actually like. :D
21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
No, but I had a delightfully geeky dalliance. No regrets. :)
22. How many one-night stands?
23. What was your favourite TV program?
Scrubs was probably the one I spent the most time watching; eight seasons in a couple of months. I also got into The Big Bang Theory.
24. Do you hate anyone now who you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes, but who knows how long that will last, and I’ve stopped hating various other people, which is nice.
25. What was the best book you read?
The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova, and Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy (I OWNED text response on that thing <3).
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None that I can think of. Although the Boyce Avenue cover of Teenage Dream still makes me melt.
27. What did you want and get?
Top ranking for English, Dux of English, my VCE, a uni-worthy ATAR, a 40+ study score for English, the aforementioned relationship.
28. What was your favourite film of this year?
Tomorrow, When The War Began, hands down. Completely epic, and completely Aussie. :D
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned eighteen, and I sat two exams, both of which I passed.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A 90+ ATAR.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
YEAR 12 RUGBY JUMPERS ARE THE BEST THING EVAR. :D That is all.
32. What kept you sane?
Philippa, Mum, sushi.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Half the cast of the X-Men movies…
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not necessarily an “issue”, but just Australian politics in general! Julia Gillard becoming PM, the nailbiting federal election that I couldn’t vote in, the state election that ended badly for anyone with my views, but that I at least got to vote in!
35. Who did you miss?
My auntie and little cousins, when I was chained to my desk from September onwards.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Honestly, none of the new people I met ended up becoming anything but acquaintances, but this year I became friends with Liz, so that deserves a mention. :)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010?
For fuck’s sake, KEEP YOUR NOTES ORGANISED.
This is why I love literature. If it's been felt, it's been written down and described. And the knowledge that someone else has captured the essence of it makes me feel less alone.
It's Philippa's birthday today! Happy birthday, Pippa! :D
We went and chilled at Box Hill with Jack in order to avoid the grand final-ness. It's nice to feel so comfortable with people, as I am generally an anti-social bitch. I probably should have been studying, but meh. I have almost finished writing a language analysis essay for English. It's nice to know that I can still do it. Also, I bought four of my favourite pens, so I can now sit exams. Well, not now, but soon. Really soon. But it's okay. I can't screw them up that badly, surely.
Now I am listening to "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. Which is a happy dancey song.
Wow, this post is becoming quite mundane. But I don't really care, because anyone reading this hopefully cares about me and my life, so it should be all good.
My little cousin Thomas started crawling last week. He is insanely cute, although I haven't actually seen him in about a month, which makes me sad. But exams will be over soon enough. And then...so much free time! Schoolies and Christmas and books and friends and TV shows and movies and new places and then Mum'll go to India and I'll have the house to myself! :D
Anyway, I'd better go before my internet drops out and I can't post this. Bye!
Yes, it was mid-winter when I last updated. Deal with it.
So. Crash-course in recent developments in my life:
- Lots of awesome grades.
- I got glasses. They are incredibly cool. Much like me.
- Mum and Jas are talking about moving in together at the end of next year.
- There's only about six weeks until valedictory. Wow.
- Tomorrow, When The War Began = incredibly awesome with a side of epic. I want to see it again.
- I have gone back to basics with a re-read of all Tamora Pierce books. I loved them when I was nine, and I love them now.
- Boys in books are just better.
- Girls in life are pretty amazing, though.
- I miraculously got 95% for my Lit creative SAC. God knows how. Angsty tortured anecdotes disguised by name-changes ftw.
- Jessica Rudd's new book was politics + chicklit and made me very happy. I am going to see her at Readings tomorrow night.
- Oh, also, I got an A for my Psych midyear. It could have been worse.
Oh, this is just brilliant.
Feel the sarcasm.
I've been fine all year. A few minor tantrums, but I've worked hard, done everything I'm supposed to, and now my rankings range from good to exceptional (English <3). My report was outstanding. Everything is happening how I need it to in order to get what I want: Arts/Law at Monash, or at least Arts.
Except now I don't know if I want it. I was looking up units I could potentially do next year at Monash, and suddenly I was struck by the futility of it. So what if I've been the best at English all my life? I'm not going to do it at uni because I don't like the units offered. Because Lit this year has turned me off studying literature ever again. I once wanted to do Creative Writing, and now I don't think I have the ability to do it well, because of one miserable little poetry task this week.
I look at the list of subjects offered and struggle to find enough that I'm interested in. I'm scared of coming out with a major in Sociology and a minor in History and it meaning nothing. I'm scared of not being able to cope with the work in Law, if I even get into the course. I'm scared of having to do oral presentations. I'm scared of not ending up with the amazing career I dream of (even though I don't yet know what it will be). I'm scared of all the change that leaving high school and beginning uni will mean.
I'm scared that all these years of being the best, of being applauded for my potential and ability, were all the shelter of my family and teachers. I'm scared that what I can do is not good enough.
Face it, I'm just scared.
Why study differences in health status between developed and developing countries when I could be adding to the ridiculous amount of useless information on the internet? Well, actually, I do care about global health status, but I have been studying flat-out for every waking hour since about 4:30 last night. You know you're studying too much when a discussion about Look Both Ways in English is considered a refreshing break.
I'm now proof-reading my Legal essay, which, thanks to the absence of my Health teacher and the resulting presence of a sub and laptops, I do not have to do at lunchtime by begging the librarians to let me in through the side door. So that's nice. I have a Psych SAC next period, though, which is most definitely not nice. It shall be a SAC of epic flowchart insanity and possible fail, which is sad because I got 98% on the last SAC of Unit 3.
I also have to mention the insane battery life of this laptop, which is currently at 84% with 3:06 hours to go. This is particularly notable and shocking to me because this is exactly the same laptop that I have, and I have for the last year or so been waging a depressing battle against its pitiful battery life. So I am very excited to tell you all how awesomely turbo-charged this school laptop is. I really want to find out what on earth has been done to it.
Well, I must go, as I am nearly done editing my essay, and should probably attempt to cram briefly for Psych before the bell goes in twenty minutes. Also, this post is pleasingly (at least to me) inane, and will probably not be of interest to anyone else. So I shall release you from the thrall of my words, and return to the surprisingly enjoyable world of school.
I was thinking, today, about how some people have no interest in politics, say it doesn't matter, or that it's all the same, and mock others who do care. I came home and was reading Looking for Alibrandi and one passage particularly struck me as important. It is, if not the entire reason (because when does anyone ever have just one reason for anything), a big part of why I think and speak and act as I do. (It is only dialogue; I cut out the descriptive writing for brevity.)
"I felt lucky. Because we have a choice, and I think that we vote, not to get the best party in, but to keep the worst party out. Because we can stand here and protest. We can get all riled up about the Premier's ideas. We can say he's a dickhead even. We can call the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition one as well.
We can scream and shout and protest and even burn our flag if we want to. Because we're free to do whatever we want to do and if we break the law we get a fair trial. But in some countries, people can't do that. They can't go out in places like Martin Place and protest. In some countries people our age can't concentrate on their schoolwork or their lives because of the sound of gunfire.
In some countries they have one-party systems and they have things called the People's Army and when the people come out and have a say like we're doing today - scream and shout and voice their opinion - the People's Army shoots the people. Young people like us.
So, great. Let's be apathetic. Let's not vote. Let's let anyone run this country. Let's all be ignorant and all be proud of that ignorance. And maybe we'll have a People's Army one day too."
I like sci-fi AND chick-lit. I always feel awkward in new situations. Always. I have read Twilight. I am PASSIONATE about the things I study. I feel awkward about my hair always being the same. I want pink streaks in it. I hate my flabby underarms. I really want a Tenth Doctor costume. I have never tried sweetened condensed milk and don’t understand the obsession with it. I like feeling cared for, but never dominated or patronised. The Thunderbirds movie is one of my guilty pleasures. I hate it when people tell me I need my eyebrows done, even when it’s true. I feel very young, sometimes, and worry that I’m not as mature as everyone else. Then, other times, I feel much more mature than everybody else, and worry that that makes me a freak. I worry a lot.
I really liked physics in Year 10 Science, even though I only got a C on the exam. I have my VCAA student number memorised and I don’t think it will ever go away. I don’t think sex is dirty or wrong or only to be saved for the ‘right person’ in the context of marriage, but the thought of having it still scares the hell out of me. I have only made two spelling mistakes in the last two years (the words were ‘bourgeoisie’ and ‘narcissistic’ and I can now spell them, as a point of pride). I have never seen a Batman movie. I don’t understand the appeal of Glee. I really want to go to Monash University next year, but am terrified of a) getting very lost, b) failing, and c) not making any friends.
Australian politics is my crack. I swooned when Jacob took his shirt off in New Moon. I used to have the entire 2005 – 2006 Doctor Who soundtrack on my iPod. I have been known to cry over a game of Uno. I avoid new situations for fear of making mistakes, but love the feeling of successfully stepping outside my comfort zone. I believe that we only accept the love we think we deserve.
I wrote this letter for you, if you have ever said, or implied, that you love me. Because I don’t know if you know the me that I do, and I have found myself scared, lately, that I have hidden my flaws and my idiosyncrasies too well, and that your professions of love and affection are based only on my surface being.
So. This is a glimpse of who I am, deep down.
Do you love me?